How to Mingle The Positive Way

All of us at one time or another experience the fear of meeting new people. We don’t know what to say or how to approach a stranger and get a conversation going. Listed below are a few do’s and don’ts, plus some simple ways to start a conversation with someone you don’t know. Try some of these techniques today at the seminar. You will be pleased with the results. The more you practice the better you’ll become and the less fearful you will feel.


•	If you are at a party, wedding or any social gathering, introduce yourself with a firm handshake and good eye contact. A good thing to ask the person you just met is "How do you know the hostess?" or "How do you know the bride?"
•	If you are attending a seminar ask someone "How did you hear about this seminar?" or "Have you attended any other seminars?"
•	Before you attend any social event you might want to skim the headlines of your local newspaper or The Wall Street Journal or USA Today. You can bring up the headlines and ask people what they think or know about the topic.
•	Pick safe general topics to discuss and try to avoid topics like religion or politics. These topics can bring out a lot of emotion for some people and that might be too much for a first meeting.
•	Humor is great but NEVER tell off color jokes or jokes that poke fun at a certain race or nationality. Laughing at yourself or one of your own life experiences can be entertaining for others if done without foul language or insults to others.
•	Most of us have trouble remembering names of people we have just met or don’t know very well. Don’t hesitate to repeat your name to everyone you meet even if you’ve met him or her before. This may prompt them to say their own name and if it doesn’t just ask them again for their name.
•	If you accept an invitation to a party it is a good idea to bring a small gift to the hostess or host of the function. You can be confident knowing that you have done something special. A gift like a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates or something homemade makes a wonderful hostess gift. The gift should not be expensive and should not require any action or work on part of the hostess.
•	When attending a function where you don’t know anyone ask the host or hostess to introduce you to one or two people to get you started. After that it is up to you to introduce yourself to others. If you are introverted or feeling shy you might ask your new acquaintances to introduce you to some people they know.
•	Ask questions that show interest in others. Remember people enjoy talking about themselves and like it when someone shows interest in who they are and what they think and feel. Don’t make the mistake of just talking about you. Also don’t act like a know it all. Even if you know a lot about a subject it is best to ask others about their thoughts and opinions.
•	Before leaving a party always make a point to find the host/hostess and thank them for inviting you. You don’t have to say goodbye to anyone else or announce your departure. When you know how to leave a function gracefully it is sometimes easier to attend the function and to stay.

• Fears of a New Relationship

Have your past relationships left you relationship-phobic due to fears of losing yourself or getting rejected? Have you been single for a while and find yourself afraid to start a new relationship? Discover how to take loving care of yourself in a new relationship.

Katie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman. After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of years, Katie, now 48, felt she was ready for a new relationship. So she joined an online dating service and promptly met Sean, who seemed too good to be true. Warm, compassionate, intelligent, and also on a personal and spiritual growth path, Sean, 55, was an available man! Now Katie’s fears that she would not meet someone turned to fears of being in a relationship again. Katie had learned how to take loving care of herself when she was alone or with friends, but doing this with a man was another matter. She had never actually taken care of herself in any of her relationships, and she was very worried that she would let herself down again. Katie wanted some guidelines regarding loving actions she could take for herself as she started to explore the relationship with Sean, and she wrote to me asking me for these loving actions. So here they are – some loving actions to take when first exploring a new relationship:


1.	Stay focused inside your own body, noticing your own feelings rather than just being tuned into the other person’s feelings. Stay conscious of NOT taking responsibility for the others person’s feelings of worth or security, and NOT making the other person responsible for your feelings of worth or security.
2.	Make a solid decision before getting together with the other person that you are willing to lose the other person rather than lose yourself. Make a conscious decision to NOT make the other person’s wants, needs and feelings more important than your own.
3.	Stay clear on your own truth, NOT letting the other person talk you in or out of what feels good and right for you.
4.	Be willing to take full, 100% responsibility for behaving in a way that makes you feel worthy, safe and powerful. Be willing to be who you really are rather than trying to impress. Make a conscious decision that being in integrity with who you really are, is more important than getting the other person’s approval.
5.	Do NOT disregard the big or small things that you find difficult, intolerable or unacceptable. If something is unacceptable or intolerable to you early in the relationship, the chances are that it is not going to get better. Do NOT convince yourself that, because there are so many good things about this person, you can overlook the problems or get the other person to change. This NEVER works!Fears of rejection can emerge very early in a relationship. Some people are terrified of doing something wrong and being rejected, because they make they other person responsible for their feelings of worth and lovability. The fear of rejection can lead a person to give him/herself up to the other person, thereby touching off fears of engulfment – of loving oneself and being controlled or consumed by the other person. Thus, fears of loss – loss of self or loss of other – often surface quickly and people find themselves either giving in or pulling away in their efforts to protect themselves from their fears. If you allow fear to guide you, you will likely either pull away or end up in an unsatisfying relationship. The most important thing to remember as you move into exploring a new relationship is: LET LOVE BE YOUR GUIDE, NOT FEAR. This means that you need to be open to learning about what is most loving to YOU – what is really in your highest good – rather than trying to have control over not being rejected or controlled by the other person. So, number six is:
6.	Keep asking your inner wisdom, “What is the loving action toward myself right now? What is in my highest good right now?” If you keep asking this vital question Business Management Articles, you will find your way through exploring a new relationship without losing yourself and without getting hurt by the other person.